Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Special Visit and Some Struggling

Sorry my posts are far and few between, but Miss Mia is still struggling with some attachment mommy issues. She is soooo great when we are out and will go to whoever and even cry for other people but when it comes to me she crys when I hold her. It breaks my heart and I know it is nothing personal, but it is hard as a mommy to be rejected by this little one who I love so much and have prayed for and over. Not enough people speak the truth about there lives once home. Everything I have read makes it seems like life is amazing and the kiddos are adjusting so great.

Well for those that are also struggling I am just going to say it has been HARD. She will scream all day long and there is nothing I can do to comfort her because she still has walls and trust that isn't there. Trying to get back into are routine has been a bit CRAZY. Homeschooling around a screaming tot is hard on everyone.

Now I am not saying I would trade this for anything................I was well prepared for the grieving and to let her go at her own pace. We love her so much and know God had her for our family that she is without a doubt our sweet girl. I even would love to ADOPT again someday. But for those that are thinking of adopting they need to here that all children have different personalities some Joyful, some Strong willed, Some Scared................and our little peanut is very Strong willed and Scared little girl. It takes awhile for walls to come down and for trust to build...........I know it will come in her time and we will see her Shine and become the little girl God has for her.

We all love her even the boys are CRAZY about her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We did have the opportunity to visit with our precious friends The Ronsmans. They are an amazing family of 7 with 5 children under the age of 7 (2 biological and 3 adopted from China). We have been blessed to have them in our lives especially because Mia is a lot like their daughter Lilly, and the things I call and ask about AnnMarie remembers so clearly with Sweet Lilly. It is so nice to have support. You can follow there family at Joyfully Busy. I also want to thank Angie Weldon for all her sweet words.........She is an amazing mom who I met in the blog world and you can follow there family at Blog Full Of Weldons.

Mia being Silly with Lauren

Mia and Lauren

Mia playing with Lilly

Mia, Lilly and Nora  (they are such sweet girls)


Paige said...

Amber I am so sorry it has been a struggle. We dealt wit some very tough issues with Madeline and trust, still do! She did not sleep through the night for years and just now at 5 does not come to my bed every night just to make sure I am there and she is very strong willed. You will get through this and you will find a new normal!
I have been struggling with Janie as well, not so much with attachment persay as she will allow me to care for her and will kiss me now but still calls for her grandma alot. It is so sad.
Please email me any time you need to vent:)

Kendra said...

It is hard! Hang in there. The best advice I heard was "fake it till you make it" even if she doesn't want you to hold her. Be overly affectionate with her and affectionate with the boys in front of her so that she will notice. Also I know she probably really likes the boys AND you homeschool but, make time for just you and her. At home, keep her in the Ergo when you can because being close like that helps bonding too. Email me and let me know how you both are doing soon. So thankful you are home with your sweet Mia! :) Kendra

Johanna said...

Oh amber!!! It IS HARD...SO VERY VERY HARD!!!! A huge bonding activity that worked for us was to NOT let anyone else hold her except momma...definitely use the ergo, carry her often. Treats and bottles only come from momma. Momma does the comforting and putting to sleep. And PLEASE give yourself grace and time. Forget homeschooling ...end the year early. Or at least do just enough to get by, the education is in the ministering to this sweet girl. My kids ARE still on autopilot from December. Haven't done a lick of anything except math, grammar and reading. Life still doesn't feel normal...or settled. Trying to take it one day at a time. Think marathon....not sprint. Though, it doesn't make the day to day easier...it helps to keep that perspective. Adoption is NOT for wimps....it's hard stuff!! I think grief happens for all involved...kids, mom, hubby...life just changes do much. But, please give yourself grace. Oh, one more thing..,,I think co-sleeping REALLY helped Tahlia bond with me. I just recently started weaning her from it....but, I do believe it was so so helpful those first few months!!! Praying right now for u....And sweet baby girl!!!(((hugs)))

Johanna said...

Ps. Please read this encouraging post!!! You are not alone!! Hugs and prayers!!!

deborah said...

I'm sorry, too...and, I went through this for 3 long years with our first dd from China. I did things differently with the second one, and, it worked out much better. I agree wholeheartedly with Johanna, who says to NOT allow anyone else to hold her or feed or change her or bath her. ONLY you 24/7 until you can feel the bond forming. It only took a few days for us, but, it could be longer. She needs to know she can depend on you for whatever need she has, and, that there is no one else who will be there...just you. Once she bonds with you, the rest will happen. It's not easy, but, it's soooo worthwhile. Hope this helps. :)

Melissa Renno said...

I don't have any advice being that we don't have our little one home yet, but I do offer you lots and lots of prayer and love. I appreciate your honesty so much. I agree how important it is for people to be authentic in their experience. You may not read it on all of the blogs, but from my personal experience in talking to other adoptive mommas YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It will get better. Stay strong. If you ever want to talk I'm here. Big hugs to you!

Lynda said...

Just came across your blog and know your struggle. You might try reading a book called Holding Time. Can't remember the author, but she used this with autistic children. We used this with our oldest daughter who at 8 arrived from Russia with mountains of emotional baggage, severe reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress. We were told she was so detached she would never be able to bond emotionally. So I went to work for hers and our sakes to prove them wrong.I also included alot of repair style nutrition and supplements because of the severe early malnutrition. At her age and with her background it took a long time, but with God's help she is now a very loving, very loved, fully bonded and now happily married young woman!!! I am having to use some of my methods with our youngest. Lauren who we adopted last year at age 6 from Shanghai China. Would be happy to share tools with you and cheer you on if you would care to email me. It can be REALLY challenging, especially for mom.
God bless. Lynda carrshome@verizon.net

Jennifer said...

Amber I'm So sorry she's having a rough time. Molly was like that with Jon for the first couple of weeks, and it KILLED him! She is finally attached to both of us and is even starting to not go to other people she is unfamiliar with, which makes me happy. I know how hard this is for you and it will get better. Praying for all of you and sweet Mia.